renewal

time continues
distance grows
truth revealed
don't really know

returning health
state of mind
peacefulness
no longer blind

new adventures
new path
new journey
doesn't lead back

memories stay
attachments few
moving forward
old becomes new

still wondering
letting go
future change
may never know

new life
new mind
new plan
more to find

still here

distance settles in
anything could happen
sleep seems possible
until it all comes back

joy and pain
wheres the balance
it starts coming back
until its all gone again

day and night
the difference is there
it becomes similar here
neither seems good

out of my hands
and nowhere to go
i cannot remain here
both seem wrong

one more deep breath
all that i have
and then it's gone
why not another

what happens now
i cannot move
i need to walk
there is no other way

cloudy world

the world is still moving
i barely saw it
wake me up now
so i can get some sleep

the daze won't leave
it feels forever
is the world still moving
i can't even see it

lost in my head
no one can see me
only two ways out
only one will appease me

same pain or new pain
continue or go
too many questions
but not any answers

holding on too long
or just the beginning
i want to know
or do i

something will give
will anyone be there
or will anyone notice
or one life we share

never or forever

i dry my eyes
yes it's all ok
but i really know
it never will be

hope is hope
or it's just pretend
what am i doing
when will it end

hold on a little more
but does it matter
part of me says yes
the other disagrees

as tears come back
i know nothing new
a little more time
still hoping it's true

the cycle keeps going
back and forth
i cannot control it
maybe no one can

where's my answer
will it ever come
rejected in my dream
i never had a chance

Now is the time

It's time to stop planning your detailed future before you even know if you'll be anywhere near there. There shall be no more expectations of what you want to magically happen. It's also time to give up on all the things in the past that may have gone wrong or opportunities you've missed. It's a new era for living. No one successfully lives their life in the future or the past. You can only try to set up your future and learn from the past, so the only thing that makes sense is to live for "now".

Enjoy now. Don't wait for now to be over before later happens. If you're unhappy now, then something needs to change. You need to change it. You can't change everything, but a little self-motivation can improve a lot.

The important first step is figuring out what you want now to be like. If it's a major difference, then expect it to take major time/dedication. Stop dreaming your dream and start achieving your dream. There's a reason the lottery's odds of winning the jackpot are so poor, so don't expect your life to just hit the jackpot either. Real life handouts aren't going to be a ticket to happiness; they're more likely going to be a ticket to get you to buy something you don't even want.

Living your now isn't going to be completely ignoring the future either, but dwelling more on now is the key.

New Dish

I don't know why, but I decided to make a Tunafish and Peanut Butter Sandwich on Wheat bread a few minutes ago. I was eating a Tuna pouch and then the idea came to me. It was like a moment of bliss, but more like a moment with an odd idea. I did not know what to expect from the taste, but I was prepared for it to taste like food sitting in a garbage disposal. As it turns out, I kinda like it - in a "I might make this again sometime" way.

This is defintely not as good as the Eggo waffle sandwich with syrup, egg and bacon in the middle, but it should go on my menu of creations. And it is pretty obvious that I need to continue trying new food combinations.